Open Relationships and How to Make Them Work

Following discussions about open relationships in gay chats or friend meetups, it’s noticeable how controversial views on this lifestyle and love concept are. But why is that? What does it mean to live in an open relationship, why do many gay men feel comfortable with this form of relationship, and how can an open relationship work? We’ll address these and similar questions in this article.

Open, Not Just About Sex – Open Relationships as a Holistic Life Concept

Sometimes people living in open relationships face harsh criticism, bordering on homophobia, even from within their own community. They’re often made to feel that living in an open relationship is one of the main reasons for society’s negative image of homosexuals. However, there is a strong tendency toward open relationships both in society and in the LGBTQIA+ community. Various studies have shown that 57 percent of men and 47 percent of women are unfaithful to their respective partners. In a 2021 British study (conducted by FS magazine in cooperation with GMFA), 1006 gay men were surveyed. 41 percent of respondents reported living in an open relationship. Overall, 75 percent believed that being able to live this relationship form would be great.

Moral Values versus Open Relationships

What open relationships consistently struggle with are deeply rooted moral values in society. This idea, primarily planted in human minds by churches, that a relationship must only be lived by two people, is shattered by concepts like open relationships or polyamory and generates sometimes fierce resistance from religious circles. If you and your partner decide to live in an open relationship, don’t let criticism intimidate or influence you. Ultimately, it’s about you and your partner taking the path that’s right for both of you and finding the relationship form that makes you happy.

What Characterizes an Open Relationship?

A main characteristic of open relationships is fluidity or flexibility, meaning the freedom to experiment. People in an open relationship can try what works better for them. They are open to unconventional relationship forms or dissatisfied in their monogamous relationship. When you have a single partner, the expectation might creep in that this one partner must satisfy all needs. They should not only function as companion and lover but also as friend, travel companion, or even co-parent. These many roles can quickly overwhelm a single person. The result can be that you eventually develop a feeling of dissatisfaction when your partner can’t meet your expectations.

This is because a single person can never really fulfill the many different needs and desires that a person has. A simple example: You fall in love with a man who is emotionally perfect for you, but who, perhaps for medical reasons, can’t share your passion for anal sex with poppers. Instead, he’s extremely into sex toys like masturbators, which you can’t relate to at all. None of this should be a reason to end your relationship. One solution could be an open relationship where you both live out your passion with someone else with each other’s consent. This way, you both get what you need and can live in harmony because you’re both satisfied.

So when people engage in consensual non-monogamous relationships, they can seek satisfaction of their needs from different partners without secrecy and with their partner’s consent. Imagine being able to share the intimacy, tenderness, cultural preferences, or most stimulating sex that suits you best with people who can best satisfy your needs. What’s often overlooked in discussions is the fact that an open relationship doesn’t have to be limited to just the sexual aspect. The term can also refer to experiencing other needs besides sexual desires with someone other than your own partner.

Stability in Open Relationships

For an open relationship to succeed, clear agreements and rules are needed. The basic requirements for any open relationship are honesty, empathy, and open communication. If you and your partner are able to be honest with each other, set boundaries, follow rules, and respect each other’s needs, you create a stability through which your fluid relationship can succeed.

A successful open relationship largely depends on effective communication between partners. An old wisdom says that disrupted or completely ceased communication is the death of any relationship. Therefore, in such a complex structure as an open relationship, it’s important that partners maintain dialogue and openly discuss all relevant topics. Especially with potentially conflicting issues, functioning communication is the path to solutions that both partners can live with..

Things can become difficult if you’re not open, hide activities from each other, and do things secretly. If such things come to light, mistrust can develop that’s hard to repair, following the motto “once a liar, always a liar”. Trust, once broken, is very difficult to restore. One consequence can be the emergence of jealousy that’s very burdensome for the relationship.

Jealousy in Open Relationships

Where close relationships based on love exist, there’s always jealousy, regardless of the relationship’s form. Jealousy is a widespread feeling from which people in open relationships aren’t spared. It’s important to work on yourself based on the agreed principles of empathy, honesty, and open communication, and thus better understand why you’re jealous and what you can do to better handle this feeling.

This can succeed if you keep reminding yourself that your open relationship rests on the love between you and your partner. You should also keep in mind that you’re both only interested in satisfying individual needs. Your respective activities outside your relationship aren’t meant to establish new relationships. This means that your core relationship always remains the center that gives your life stability and to which you always return.

Where to Find Partners for an Open Relationship?

Many men already live in same-sex relationships and decide together to live in an open relationship. But there are also plenty of singles who desire such a partnership. If you belong to the latter group, you can look around on websites like Gayromeo, Grindr, etc. There, profile owners can also indicate their lived or preferred relationship form. You often read “Open Relationship” under relationship status. If you write in your profile text that you’re looking for an open relationship, it’s quite possible that suitable candidates will contact you. In any case, you should communicate your desire clearly from the start. This way, no misunderstandings can arise, and your profile visitors know immediately what you’re looking for.